Diary Of A Commuter

Monday May 12, 2014

Dear Diary,

Why is it that every morning on my way to work I seem to hit every red light possible? I know it's traffic hour and there are more cars than there ever should be on Central Expressway, but the lights do not have to make it worse!

Tell me why there are two cars going the same speed, letting cars pile up behind them, and none of them will either go faster or move over so the rest of us can pass by? TELL ME WHY? I don't understand. They are barely even going the speed limit and the cars are riding their asses and they still don't seem to get the hint! OMG, what does this person look like? I need to find out what a driver like that looks like.

Is it just me or is driving behind a van the worst thing ever. When a van goes in front of me, my face instantly starts frowning and my patience is lost. I don't care if it's the biggest lifted truck ever, or a toaster, or a dingy little pos, if there's a van, I need to do whatever humanly possible to get away from it. They all seem to drive at the pace of slug, have the slowest reaction time, and take away visibility of traffic around it. And they are just the least aesthetically pleasing vehicles ever created.

Excuse me car, every one knows the left lane is for people who like to get where they are going. If you are going to lollygag, please proceed to the right lane.

Yes, I keep that much space between me and the car ahead of me so you can squeeze your non-blinker-using-ass right in between us and have me pound on my breaks just because our lane is going slightly faster. Thank you for that.

OMG that van did not just cut in front of me! FUMING.


Tuesday May 13, 2014

Dear Diary,

It's close to 7pm, maybe I can try taking the freeway. Oh wow this is smooth sailing! How nice! Oh wait, brake lights. Damn it. Ok, why is every lane moving except mine. This makes no sense. Ok, I will hop into this lane. Now this one isn't moving! WTF.

Excuse me, miss, you have blinkers for a reason. Oh wait, you aren't changing lanes, you are just floating between two lanes like you own the road. Are you drunk? This is uncomfortable. Staying alert. Maybe when the moment presents itself, I should pass her real quick before she swerves again. Ok, go! And I must see what this driver looks like. Woman, of course. Wait, woman on phone texting. Terrible. So cliche.

Oh, you're cute. Too bad there wasn't a way to communicate with hotties in the lane next to me. Oh shit, red light. And there goes all my stuff flying to the floor.

Man hovering in the truck to my right, no, I am not interested. Please, stop starring at me. No, I did not make eye contact with you because I am interested, I just wanted to make it obvious that I know you are following right next to my car and I will proceed to speed away from you quickly. Honking does nothing. Please go tend to your gardens and leave me alone.

Oh another hottie! Hello handsome! Oh... you're driving a Mini Cooper. That's unfortunate. Moving on.

Wednesday May 14, 2014

Dear Diary,

Damn it, I left 20 minutes later than usual. Traffic is going to be a nightmare. Oh, 1st Street isn't so bad. Barely anyone driving here. Red light. Next light, red. And again. Really? Happy hump day to you too shitty traffic lights.

Ahhh finally, Central Expressway. Definitely don't have to deal with as many lights. But oh holy night there is a shit load of cars. Wow. It's green people, why are you not moving? Green means go. Hello!?

Oh another two cars driving at the same speed creating a bottleneck situation. One is a van, typical. I hate vans. They seriously suck at life. Oh one moved over... sweet. Moving forward. WTF. Did you seriously just move over now to let people pass? Van, did you seriously just go in front of me and go slower?

Awesome, this car is moving nicely down El Camino! I like your style. Green lights all the way! Woot woot! Yellow light. No, you do not have to slam on your breaks. Seriously? We were right by the intersection. It wouldn't have even turned red on me and I am behind you. But sure ok, let's hang out and waste time at another light because yellow lights apparently freak you out. Cool.

Wow, you drive slow. So slow. You are ten miles below the speed limit. Seriously? I need to get around this person. What does this person look like? Oh hey grandma. Should have known.

OMG. I am surrounded by vans. OMG. I think I am going to lose it. I hate driving. Never again. I can't be a commuter anymore. The rage is taking me over.

I fucking hate traffic.