Dinner For One

Today was a regular day really. First it was massive stress over a presentation, beginning at about 6am, that was executed perfectly. Then it was a long break, sitting, texting, eating the same salad, pondering about anything and everything. Followed by a class with a teacher that is so passionate about her job it almost scares me and a classmate who boggles my mind. Then the quick yet tedious light rail ride home.

As I was driving home I decided to do date night, with myself. I don't have many friends that really have time or the want to sit and have dinner or just chit chat on a couch (not that I ever have time but thursday nights are my day of freedom). So I decided to do what I would do with friends by myself. I headed over to blockbuster, spent a good fifteen minutes debating between four movies that could be masterpieces or a complete waste of time. I chose the Donnie Darko sequel S. Darko(probably massive waste of time but the actors are so hot I thought at least I would have something pretty to look at) and then I chose Pheobe In Wonderland (probably a sweet movie that will make me cry and miss the years of being innocent and having no cares).

Then it was off to Safeway. The dinner was unplanned but I knew that something other than chicken was going to be the highlight of this magnificent solo dinner. As I looked through the meat section all I could actually think of was the pamphlet some hippie looking guy shoved in my face on campus about animal cruelty. It said if you can't give up meat then at least don't eat pigs, birds, or eggs. So due to this pamphlet statement I reached for a nice piece of London Broil steak. Yes, I know, another cruelty or political statement with that one, but today I wanted to be a carnivore and eat a piece of red meat. A piece of red meat that I seared for a few minutes, drenched in garlic and red wine, and then broiled it, topping it off with mushrooms. Next to it I decided to do make white pepper and garlic cream mashed potatoes. Although veggies are usually my favorite thing, I was incredibly lazy by the time I got to mashing potatoes, so a glass of red wine was to substitute.

As I sat and ate my delectable meal, throwing ping pong balls at Billie, because her new obsession is ping pong balls, and let me tell you she really can't get away from those things; I pondered again. I do it a lot. Usually think about all the things I'm doing wrong, but sometimes good things. I'm critical on myself if anyone hasn't caught on.

First, I kept thinking about my. German exam tomorrow. Tonight I wanted to spend my time studying for it, and at this moment all I have to show for is counting from 1-12 and memorizing as long as the verb is in section position ill be fine. I didn't even touch the book. A book I spend so much time with that the moment I should really bond with it, I grab the bottle of wine instead.

Second, I pondered where I was going. And I really mean this metaphorically. I know, really heavy dinner thinking. Do you ever just feel like something's missing? I work my butt off, pay all my bills, do all my homework, nice to my parents, love my friends, probably more than I should, and adore my bubs more than most humans I know. Yet, I feel like something's missing. I don't know yet what. And don't say it's a guy. The last thing I need. I can barely keep up with myself, let alone keeping up with love. A word I have never even uttered to the other species. Who knows though, maybe whatever that something is will someday bump into me.

And the real work up to this blog, the paragraphs above really being avoidance, is something I have signed up for, well more like qualified for and accepted. Stanford is doing a research study. Yea, most of you scholarly people or students know what I am talking about. Studying people for some reason. I'm not ready to tell people what it's for. But what I want to say, is that if this study helps girls like me, at my age, be happier, and be comfortable with themselves, and help understand themselves better, then it's well worth it. It's a lot of time, and not a lot of compensation. But I feel like it's a good thing. And I think we could all do a little good these days with whatever we can.

Now as I reach for my wine, and watch one of my movies, play with really the best friend a person could have, my bubs, and probably cry my buzzed eyes out, I'm not going to think about how my German exam that is in fourteen and a half hours. Totally overrated.